Sunday, September 5, 2010

totally uninspired

As of late, I have had such an urge of enthusiasm to go out an do stuff with people, but kind of a lack of people to do stuff with to be honest. See, I've been so caught up with work and uni life at the moment that I just haven't had the time to hang out with a lot of people, and I've kind of forgotten what hanging out is all about. Normally I've got too much studying to do on the weekends, and I'm just generally busy that I haven't really had a lot of time to stuff that I wouldn't normally do.

I dunno, this is probably more of a rant post, I just haven't really spent a lot of time with any of my friends since I got back from overseas that it kind of feels weird asking in the first place, I guess it was just so easy to meet up with people when I was overseas because we didn't really have anything to do anyway. I don't really have a lot of friends at uni, not a lot that i know really well and am able to spend most of the time with, a lot of people there seem to know each other from school and stuff anyway so they tend to stick with those groups, so I dunno. I don't think I've had a good conversation where I haven't had to worry about what I say for months and months, and it's kind of frustrating, I thought I would have been over this by now, but I still feel kind of like a loner at uni, despite the fact that I do have people i can talk with, it's not the same as being able to kind of let loose and all that stuff.

I dunno, I spose I just need to ask people to hang out a bit more, it seems to be harder than I would have thought to reinsert myself back into life here, and I don't think that I'll ever be able to, it's just kind of an inkling, but it was kind of foolish of me to think that people would go out of their way for me. It's probably all in my head though, I just look at all the photos of all the other exchange students who are back and they seem to be out with all their friends, doing all sorts of things, and I don't think I've been out with my friends since my birthday two months ago. And I won't even get started on trying to look for a girlfriend till im past 20, everyone at uni has one already and I just sort of have to face it that the outlook is never going to be great in that scheme of things, I'm just not really what people would call 'girl material', so I don't even bother trying to talk to girls in that way.

Sorrrrrrrry for the pity party folks, had to come eventually

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